i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
