I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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