remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
