I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
