if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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