what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
be right there i have to get my cape
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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