The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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