dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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