chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
where am i from again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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