meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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