i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Swine flu is the new snow day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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