ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize