that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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