dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
