dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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