No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
