Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
should my penis look like a turkey
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
