dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
