Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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