I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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