My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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