Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sobbing to NWA
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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