she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm jealous of your bromance
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
