Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
