Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
