I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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