i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
