I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have feelings that need drinking.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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