is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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