You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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