I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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