he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
