so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm at about main and main street
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
