Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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