She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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