that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
