Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize