there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
