My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
