i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
