But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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