So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
