at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
