He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
