no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
