So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
