I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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