Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize