Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
