I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
