oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
