My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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