i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
