Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
