epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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