note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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