I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
