I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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