I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
