Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
