sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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