This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
