Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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