Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
porn star boner night. come get it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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