now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
