Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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