If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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