Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
