I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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